Dieter's block

Someone once told me that the best way to get over writer's block is to just sit there and write rubbish for as long as it takes until something inside "clicks", the light comes on and the story starts to unfold itself again.

I'm that way with my weight at the moment. One day, I'm counting points and "good"; the next day, I blow it all on chocolate. Or cheese. For what seems like forever, I've been treading water: up a pound one week, down a pound the next. It's not what a I want to do - I'd like to get to my "real" goal weight please - but wanting and doing are two separate things. (Oh, and while we're at it, I'd like a flat stomach, please, and a waist.)

I said as much at Weight Watchers on Wednesday night. My head isn't in the right place. I can almost cope at home, when I'm in charge of the cooking, but let me loose in the outside world and it's as if the Eating Olympics have started and I'm representing Australia. My social life seems to revolve around food - either in restaurants or a takeaway eaten on someone's sofa or a meal cooked by a friend keen to show off her culinary skills. Oh, and those days when I'm too tired to cook? Please someone, keep me away from the takeaway menu!

Throw into the mix that it's a fact of life that I travel for work. At least one week in four, I drive to Site for 3 days/2 nights. Excluding the last time, every single trip I have made left me feeling that I was at the mercy of restaurant chefs. If there was something healthy on the menu, it was bound to involve prawns (and I'm allergic to prawns). And of course the menu item that caught my eye (or smelt so good wafting from the kitchen) was bound to involve a zillion points.

Why, when I'm eating in a restaurant do I feel compelled to order something I wouldn't cook at home, usually covered in cheese or cream sauce or laden with pastry? Actually, maybe that is my problem: I'm a damn good cook. We eat such a varied-but-WW diet at home, that the list of things I don't make is quite small and skewed to the things I don't cook because they're too high in points. My brain rebels, demanding "why restrict my order to pan fried fillet of salmon with a side of vegetables, when I came home with 14 fillets last time I did my supermarket shop? I could make that at home. What haven't I had lately?". (The healthy choice in a restaurant is nearly always salmon. Why are British chefs so narrow minded?)

After three days away, I normally return home feeling as if I'd applied a layer of lard to the inside of my gut and smeared my belly with double cream.

On the face of it, the trip last week was very little different. Since us contractors have been banned from the Refinery's canteen, I stopped at Marks & Spencer on the way up to buy lunch for the three days. Maybe I was earlier than usual so they had some stock, or maybe they've expanded their range, but their Count on Us sandwiches caught my eye and for the first time they had choices I would eat. So I bought two chicken wraps and a chicken sandwich and pointed them when I got to work - 4.5 points each and I'd solved the problem of lunch for three days.

That night, in the hotel, I ordered dinner the way I normally do: choosing whatever menu items that caught my fancy. This hotel was a new one for me, but the Programme Director is a regular and raives about the food. For my starter I had scallops, pan fried with lardons of bacon and served over a mixed leaf salad. My main course was grilled duck breast on a bed of vegetables, lightly dressed with plum sauce. My major impression of the lovely meal I had? The chef is Weight Watcher. Dinner was beautifully prepared and presented. There was plenty of food. It tasted delicious. But it was lightly done. I began to feel like, maybe, just maybe, I can cope with this lifestyle after all.

Of course, I managed to blow the whole thing out of the water again when I got home. I've eaten takeaway food at least four times in the last week (or is that six, if you include the leftovers in my lunchbox on two separate days?). [sigh]

So there I was sitting at Weight Watchers on Wednesday, shaking my head when Denise asked "Did you have a good week?". "No. My brain isn't right. I can't get my thinking straight." I'm not going to stop attending meetings. I need this. It's just that I'm fumbling for the switch to turn it around; I haven't managed to make it click just yet.

- Pam

New Year's Resolutions

OK. Time to 'fess up. How many New Year's Resolutions did you make?

I habitually use the time between Christmas and New Year to reflect on my goals for the forthcoming year and to day-dream about where I would like life to take me. One year, I actually started my exercise goal on Boxing Day. Most years, I've written it all down in the back of an A5 day-per-page diary and promptly forgotten about it. This year, I decided to blog about it instead.

I've come up with some big categories under which I've placed sub-goals. So, drum roll please, here are my New Year's Resolutions:-

Fitness

I'm determined to put exercise back into my morning routine: yoga for January, then alternating between yoga and running for February, adding weight training in March. I don't have a target yet for my running - should I aim for a half marathon? I currently can't run to the end of the street!

Later in the year, I was thinking of starting in September, I'd like to do some sort of self-defence training, e.g. Krav Maga or kick-boxing.

Oh, and this year, I will get my weight back to below 9 stone (which will put me below my goal weight for Weight Watchers).

Career

Just before Christmas, work surprised me with a 5.5% pay rise. Although the place has improved, I'm going to continue to job hunt. I want to work somewhere friendly. And I want the possibility of career progression, which I don't have now.

Home and Garden

I have four goals for our garden;-

1. Create a proper flower garden in the front.
2. Create a viable vegetable garden in the back.
3. Get a new "garden cupboard" to store the mower, the cushions for the garden furniture and the gardening tools.
4. Remove the existing tumbling-down wooden shed.

And I have a few for the house, mainly:-

1. Sell my flat. This project has been dormant for months and needs to be completed. We could do with the money AND other things depend on it, like renovating this house.
2. Wash up each night before I go to bed, instead of leaving the dishes until the next morning.
3. Zone the house and spend 15 minutes a day tidying up, decluttering and cleaning. Surely I can do 15 minutes? Note, this excludes normal "kitchen tidying".
4. Continue to sort out my wardrobe. I took a large bag of clothes to the charity shop on Saturday and I'm sure there are other items to follow.

How's that for New Year's resolutions?

- Pam

Six Impossible Things to Do Before Breakfast

"If you've done six impossible things this morning, why not round it off with breakfast at Milliway's—the Restaurant at the End of the Universe!"


Part of what drove me to start the WonderWoman Project was an attempt to conquer whole "do six impossible things before breakfast" thing. You know, where you accomplish as many challenges as possible before getting on with the drudge of your normal working day. My reality: if I don't do it before breakfast, it won't get done.

Since six is much too daunting a number of things to tackle at 6am, I settled on starting with three, then aiming for five. I can't always manage three. They aren't always the same three, either. Oh, and I've extended the definition of "breakfast" to include all the time before I leave for work at (theoretically) 7.15am. The full list is somewhat longer:-

Pam's List Of Impossible Things To Do Before Breakfast

- Exercise for half an hour
- Get up at 5.25am so that I can exercise instead of staying in bed until 6 (no wonder I don't exercise more often!)
- Conquer the 5 minute shower barrier (including washing/conditioning hair, regular shaving of legs, etc)
- Conquer the 5 minute after-shower dry/moisturise, etc, barrier
- Spend 15 minutes learning a language
- Floss teeth as well as brushing them
- Put away last night's dishes (assuming I was motivated enough to wash them up)
- Wash up my breakfast things (and last night's dishes if there are any)
- Water the garden (not much of a requirement this summer)
- All the temperature taking and charting malarkey that come with trying to get pregnant
- Watch the 6.30am morning headlines on BBC Breakfast
- Prepare either crockpot dinner (for a busy evening/WW night) or picnic meal (for Prom Concerts/football nights)

Throw in a resolution never to leave my DH in the morning without a cuddle, add the facts that I wear somewhat formal office attire (suit and makeup), always eat breakfast and can't survive without my morning coffee, and you're looking at a rather crowded morning.

Probably the biggest challenges are the shower ones and the exercise one. The shower ones are crucial. I can easily lose half an hour between staggering out of bed and stepping out of the shower. I've been working on the 5 minute shower since I started my new job in January, so I'm much better at it now, but I still can't seem to crack the 10 minutes total showering experience (5 minutes shower, 5 minutes dry). .<<<< Whine! >>>> Why is it that some people can manage it and I can't? Hey, I'd be happy with a fifteen minute shower-and-dry session!

It's not what I do. I've got the mechanics down to a fine art: switch shower on; apply cleanser; step under spray; wet hair and wash off cleanser at the same time; apply shampoo; wash off; apply hair conditioner then scrub body (using exfoliating sponge and moisture-wash), shave legs, etc, whilst it goes to work; comb through hair conditioner and wash everything off; switch off shower; apply crystal deodorant to wet armpits; towel dry hair and body; apply moisturising lotion to (at least legs) body; tone and moisturise face; comb and part hair (the joy of wash'n'wear curls); leave bathroom. Every part of this routine is designed to achieve the maximum whilst taking the minimum time: I shave my legs Mondays and Fridays, and use an exfoliating soap-based scrub on my face Wednesdays and Sundays instead of the cleanser. It's all balanced so I take the same amount of time each morning. So where on earth does the time go???

I blame the whole problem on the mystery time-thief, who steals minutes every time you turn your back. I can't hear him because I've stepped under the shower jets. My DH calls this "getting lost in shower time". He's wrong. It's a time-thief.

- Pam

PS: Today's three things: exercise session (yay!) doing Cindy Crawford's Total Body Workout number 2, made picnic salad for supper at tonight's Prom Concert, and a 5.23am start (DH set the alarm clock a little earlier - I am not complaining).

Resolutions anyone?

It's my birthday tomorrow. I'll be 42. I don't feel 42. I don't feel middle-aged. In my head, I'm perpetually 34 (and why I've fixed on that age, I have no idea). I'm not afraid of getting older and I've never been particularly bothered by it until now.

Now, though, I'm in denial - I can't be 42. There are so many things on my life-long to do list which should have been achieved by now: the dreams unfulfilled; the books not written; the songs not sung. If you'd asked me when I was 20, I'd have predicted my 40-something self to be happily married (tick, tick), and living the sort of nice, middle-class life my friends' mothers* led at the same age: part-time nursing job, 2 to 4 school-aged children**, dog, stylish house, lots of craft-work completed and on display, gourmet cook (tick), landscaped garden, classical concerts (tick), golf (semi-tick, not often enough), singing in a semi-pro choir, bridge nights and dinner parties (tick). Oh, yes, and fit and skinny.

What happened? I wasted 9 years of my life married to the wrong man. I changed countries and careers. I spent 7 years in night-school studying to further my new career. I didn't apply myself to write that book or that cookbook. I stopped singing for 15 years and don't live/work anywhere near the rehearsal venues of the best choirs in London. I've spent years working long hours at jobs which have long commutes. For some things, lets face it: laziness one.

OK, time to stop feeling sorry for myself. These are my goals for my 43rd year:-

1. I will get pregnant or go broke paying for IVF.
2. I will lose the last 17 lb.
3. I will change my job to one which keeps me busy, makes me happy and is 37.5 hours or less (the extra 2.5 hours/week are killing me with boredom). It will also pay more and have a shorter commute.
4. I will finish my UFO's.
5. I will sell my flat instead of procrastinating over it.
6. The house will finally get re-decorated.
7. I will to learn a language. I just have to decide what.
8. I will to landscape the garden.
9. I will get fit, exercise every morning and comfortably run five miles.
10. I will find a serious choir and work on my voice.
11. We will buy a dog.
12. I will learn to play the piano.

- Pam (there are more things but this is for starters)

* Since my mother was 47 when I was born, I can't use her life as comparison.

** Depended on the day; definitely 2 kids, sometimes 4.

Ouch!

I ache. Everywhere aches. I even have a sore muscle just below my rib cage, at the point where the bottom right rib curves up to join it's sisters. It's a 1 inch square of sharp pain every time I move.

It's all self inflicted. After months of procrastinating (and the instigation of a higher daily dose of thyroxin), I'm back working on the exercise goals for the WonderWoman Project. Amy and I are doing the Windsor 8k race on 28th September, so I finally started training for it on Monday.

Yesterday, I started work on toning my body. I decided I needed something more challenging than my usual weights work-out (who knows if I was doing that correctly/effectively?), something that addressed my laziness at warming up and gave me a whole range of stretches to do. So I dug out Cindy Crawford's Total Body Workout. I really enjoyed it. Most of it wasn’t too difficult and I didn't need a large space to move around in (always important in tiny British houses). I didn't manage to do all the sets of every exercise - tried to do two out of the three - but it was a start and that gives me something to aim for. Can't do a press-up or a sit-up to save my life, though.

- Pam

PS: Got a call from the hospital yesterday. My surgeon forgot that he was on holiday on 10th September, so the op has been put back until 1st October. Hope the weather is still good then - I'm looking forward to lazing in the garden.

WonderWoman Project Update to the Update

Wednesday night weigh-in at Weight Watchers: I'm 7.5lb down!

- Pam

WonderWoman Project Revisited

(Writing this post will probably take me all day. I'm doing it between waiting for the finance system to calculate things.)

I've heard a few mutterings wondering what has happened to the WonderWoman Project, so thought I'd give you an update:-

1) Weight Watchers - Doing OK. It's more of a non-diet than a "diet", so has been easy to live with. Weight loss has been slow but, so long as I don't have anything salty in the next 36 hours, I should weigh in 7lb lighter tomorrow night than when I started, possibly more. As well as a sensitivity towards salt, I have noticed a distinct tendency to retain water if I drink any alcohol. It doesn't matter if I'm below points or not.

2) Exercise - I've succeeded in getting out of bed every (working) morning at 5.30am to work out! So far, though, it's just been weight training; I haven't started running yet. I'm procrastinating about the running because it means digging out my gear from the back of the bureau (literally. It'll have made a leap for freedom over the back of the drawer into the awkward space behind). In the meantime, I've noticed more definition in my arms, shoulders and back. It'll be a while before I get rid of the spare tyre around my middle, but the exercise is helping there, too.

3) Money - My bank account is almost reconciled to my cheque book but I have a £14 difference that I haven't been able to identify yet. I maintained my cheque book record throughout the month, although I did get a bit behind in the last week or so of March. My "money to live off" cash diet wasn't so successful. It only survived through to the 16th. Still, as Tamarian says "Onward". April is a new month and a fresh start.

4) Washing off my makeup and brushing/flossing my teeth before bedtime. I reckon this has a 70% success rate. I don't wash my face every night, although I'm getting better and it should become a habit soon.

5) Tidiness. Not quiet a non-starter. I'm not making any more mess, but I haven't conquered the mess that already exists. My desk is always clear when I go home at night and most things are filed carefully away.

6) The dishes thing. This is a big success, although I'm more likely to wash up first thing in the morning instead of after dinner. Still, when you come home to a clean kitchen, you don't seem to make as much mess. (Or, at least, I don't.)

- Pam (what else was in the project?????)

The month of being Wonderwoman

Ever wondered what it would be like to live like the perfect you? That's what I'm about to try and find out. We all have a vision in our head of how we would be if we were perfect; it's usually the thing we use to beat ourselves up. Well, my challenge for March 2007 is to live more like I would if was the perfect me.

I can't do everything. It's not possible to grow an extra 2 inches in the legs, so I've set myself the following targets:-

1. To lose weight. I rejoined Weight Watchers a week ago. I have at least 28lb to lose. I've actually made my goal weight once, but put it all back on when I developed a thyroid problem 2 years ago.
2. To exercise every morning. I'm trying to do at least 20 minutes of weights 4 x week and build up to a 2 mile run on the other 3 days. Wonderwoman is fit as well as perfect. :o)
3. To be tidy. My best friend will tell you that I can put a pen down on an empty desk and it'll look like a bomb has hit it. She's right. She's a tidy person; I'm not. I've worked out that the difference has to do with lining things up and getting the edges even, so I'm going to practice that for the next month.
4. To come home to a clean kitchen every night. This means doing the dishes before I go to bed and not when I get home.
5. To wash off my make-up each night and brush and floss my teeth before bedtime. I usually manage to brush my teeth, but I've never got into the habit about washing my face.
6. To learn some Dutch. I need to do that for work; my project is based in the Netherlands and it's embarrasing when they all speak English to me and I can't even say "thank you". Wonderwoman is multilingual.
7. To sew up my knitting projects and use up some of my stash before buying more yarn. I've got two finished sweaters which just need to be sewn up, plus a pair of socks that need ends woven in. They've got to be finished.
8. Ditto the various hems and buttons that need sewing.
9. To balance my chequebook. I used to be really good at tracking money, but everything went to pot during the weary months before my thyroid diagnosis.
10. To stick to my Cash Diet. I'll talk more about this later.

That's enough of a list for now. No doubt I'll add things to it, later on.

- Pam