Something I don’t discuss often here is work. You know I’ve had jobs that I’ve loved and made some fantastic friends in the process. Well, I was expecting to be out of work right now. I’m a contractor - not by choice - and I was told in July that my contract wouldn’t be renewed when it expired at the end of September. Looking the inevitable firmly in they eye, I polished up my CV, consulted a friend who wrote CV’s for a living, and started applying for jobs. I even had an interview.
Then the unthinkable happened. Over the August Bank Holiday Weekend, one of my Finance colleagues had a serious accident and spent three weeks on a ventilator in Intensive Care. (She’s conscious now, thank God, and breathing on her own, but weak as a kitten with a long recovery ahead.). When the news broke, I messaged our Financial Controller, “If you need another pair of hands, count me in”. The rest is history. I’m now responsible for the cashbook, credit control, cash flow reporting, work-in-progress reporting and trade debtor reporting, together with half-a-dozen balance sheet reconciliations. With the help of some lovely colleagues, I’ve just survived my first month end. They’re talking about extending my contract to March.
I’m lucky. I know that. It doesn’t mean I haven’t faced tough times. I’ve had to work hard to build a career and a good life. “Hope for the best but prepare for the worst” has long been my philosophy. It’s how you face the bad times that define you. You make your own luck. When I was made redundant in 2016, I gave myself a week to wallow in self-pity - oh how it hurt - and then I deliberately chose to act positively. “Pick yourself up. Dust yourself off, and start all over again.” I choose to keep trying and keep seeking ways to do better.
Everything life throws at you, gives you choices. You can’t control what happens to you but you can control how you react to it. You may be the victim of something horrible, an assault or long term bullying, but you can choose whether you define yourself as a victim or as a survivor. You control the messages you feed to yourself; that’s what defines your self-worth, not something external. Sure, people want to be liked and valued by their peers, but if they don’t like themselves then they’ll never be happy. How many people do you know who are still beating themselves up over something that happened 10, 15, even 25 years ago? I can name a few. They haven’t forgiven themselves for an event that everyone else has forgotten. It’s just another reason to hate themselves.
There are so many people who measure their self worth by Facebook or Instagram, needing the constant affirmation of “likes” to feel whole. The most self-obsessed people are usually the most insecure, too wrapped up in what is happening inside their own head to notice what is happening to the people around them. A year ago, someone complained to me that their boss never spoke to them and how hurtful it was. Knowing this person, I wondered how many times they’d actually initiated a conversation with their boss and asked the boss about themself. (I occasionally give this person a lift to events. They never ask me about myself or events in my life, and I’ve known them to sulk if they don’t get complimented on their outfit.)
You always have a choice. You choose how you face the day. Another thing I choose to do is to treat other people with kindness. They may be really grumpy, but I’d rather think that they were having a bad day and treat them with civility and kindness. No, I am not a doormat. Anger and aggression are defence mechanisms born out of pain. Sometimes just asking “are you ok?” can diffuse a situation and, if you are prepared to watch and listen, you’d be amazed what you can learn about someone.
- Pam
