Sunday, 4 April 2010

To the man who built the wardrobe in our back bedroom

Why?  What were you thinking?  Was it your first ever carpentry project?

Oh, and why did you use so many screws to fix it together?  Were you bollocked last time you built something - did it fall down(?) - so that you were afraid your missus would nag you to death if the wardrobe wasn't stable?  Either that, or were you on a promise that if you used up every screw in the packet, you might be on to a "winner"?  What else can explain the gazillion screws you used, whether suitable or not?  Why else were there masonry screws holding two bits of wood together?  Have a look at your handy work*:

Seriously, what were you thinking?  Even on the fascias you used three screws of varying sizes and types, plus the odd nail and wood glue!  And you fastened it to the floor, the brick wall, and the plasterboard ceiling.   

It took us** two days to demolish this!

- Pam

* This photo was taken after the "easy" part of the wardrobe was demolished.  Before we started, there were two long cupboards, plus the connecting cupboards across the top and assorted pine panels arranged on the wall between them all (the black marks are the screw holes for those).  If you look closely at the remaining wardrobe, you can see the chicken-pox of plastic covers he used to cover up all the screws.  There is no logic to the number of screws he used or the varieties he used - some were Philips-head, some were flat-head, some were masonry screws screwing two bits of wood together (huh?), some were wood screws (including wood screws anchoring panels into the wall, with and without rawlplugs) and a few were plasterboard screws fixing the wardrobe to the ceiling and to the floor.  Sometimes he used two screws on the same joint.  He also smothered virtually every join with wood-glue just in case.  And threw in the odd nail for good measure.

**  DH did most of the hard work.  I did a lot of unscrewing and plenty of fetching and carrying.

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