Thank you so much for your letter last week, issuing me with a new debit card for my "Bills" account.
We've had a long relationship over the years and I appreciate your thoughtfulness. You were there for me in February 2000, when Sammy-the-dog ate my wallet in a fit of revenge (he hadn't had enough attention the night before) and I had to replace my cards. My, how we laughed, when I phoned up to ask for new cards because "the Dog ate them!".
You were there for me in 2001, following my divorce, when I did all that horrible paperwork and changed my name back to my maiden name. We timed it just right, so that all of my cards were re-issued in their regular sequence showing my new name.
Why, oh, why, then did you send me that card last week a) when it wasn't due to be replaced and b) in my OLD name? A name I haven't used since 2001. I've remarried since then, remember??? OK, my accounts are still in my maiden name but that's because your systems couldn't cope with me having some accounts as "Mrs Alphabet" and my personal cheque account as "Ms PipneyJane" - you said that you couldn't link them together for ease of access on the internet. But why send me a card in the name of "Mrs Dumbo"????
Definitely NOT Mrs Dumbo!