Friday, 3 August 2007

Resolutions anyone?

It's my birthday tomorrow. I'll be 42. I don't feel 42. I don't feel middle-aged. In my head, I'm perpetually 34 (and why I've fixed on that age, I have no idea). I'm not afraid of getting older and I've never been particularly bothered by it until now.

Now, though, I'm in denial - I can't be 42. There are so many things on my life-long to do list which should have been achieved by now: the dreams unfulfilled; the books not written; the songs not sung. If you'd asked me when I was 20, I'd have predicted my 40-something self to be happily married (tick, tick), and living the sort of nice, middle-class life my friends' mothers* led at the same age: part-time nursing job, 2 to 4 school-aged children**, dog, stylish house, lots of craft-work completed and on display, gourmet cook (tick), landscaped garden, classical concerts (tick), golf (semi-tick, not often enough), singing in a semi-pro choir, bridge nights and dinner parties (tick). Oh, yes, and fit and skinny.

What happened? I wasted 9 years of my life married to the wrong man. I changed countries and careers. I spent 7 years in night-school studying to further my new career. I didn't apply myself to write that book or that cookbook. I stopped singing for 15 years and don't live/work anywhere near the rehearsal venues of the best choirs in London. I've spent years working long hours at jobs which have long commutes. For some things, lets face it: laziness one.

OK, time to stop feeling sorry for myself. These are my goals for my 43rd year:-
  1. I will get pregnant or go broke paying for IVF.
  2. I will lose the last 17 lb.
  3. I will change my job to one which keeps me busy, makes me happy and is 37.5 hours or less (the extra 2.5 hours/week are killing me with boredom). It will also pay more and have a shorter commute.
  4. I will finish my UFO's.
  5. I will sell my flat instead of procrastinating over it.
  6. The house will finally get re-decorated.
  7. I will to learn a language. I just have to decide what.
  8. I will to landscape the garden.
  9. I will get fit, exercise every morning and comfortably run five miles.
  10. I will find a serious choir and work on my voice.
  11. We will buy a dog.
  12. I will learn to play the piano.
- Pam (there are more things but this is for starters)

* Since my mother was 47 when I was born, I can't use her life as comparison.

** Depended on the day; definitely 2 kids, sometimes 4.

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